Therapy for people in polyamorous relationships

What is polyamory?

It is a way of living romantic relationships in such a way that partners can love several people at the same time and live their relationships authentically, freely, and honestly with the partners involved in the relationship. People in polyamorous relationships are therefore not bound by exclusivity, as members can be involved in multiple romantic relationships with the informed consent of all parties.

The term refers to people who adhere to this lifestyle, whether they are in a relationship or single. Polyamorous relationships can take different forms, depending on the needs of the partners involved, and are not only sexual in nature (such as libertinism, for example, in which there are no romantic attachments). In fact, polyamory involves feelings, emotional commitment, and an understanding of alternative lifestyles to traditional monogamy (a relationship between two people). People who adhere to polyamory do not have exclusive romantic attachments to a single person and can therefore experience emotional, affectionate, and sincere relationships with other individuals.

History

Charles Fournier (1816) wrote about multiple love affairs in his book Le Nouveau Monde amoureux. Although his book was not published until 1967, he had already begun to criticize exclusive (monogamous) relationships. He wrote that having multiple romantic relationships is “compatible with the development of passions” and allows for “innovation in romantic pleasure.”
In 1929, Jean-Paul Sartre reportedly proposed to his partner Simone de Beauvoir that they live in a relationship of “polyfidelity,” meaning that they could see other partners, but that their relationship would be the primary one (which can be referred to as the core couple in polyamory today, see definition in the terms further down the page). From the 1990s onwards, the term polyamory became more widely used in the United States, and the emergence of websites allowed people to better understand what it was and to refer to it.
In the mid-2000s, the book The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy deconstructed the myths surrounding romantic relationships, questioned what love and sexuality are, and advocated for polyamory and libertinism by promoting transparency, communication, consent, and authenticity in plural relationships.

Today, there are polyamorous communities in several countries, and despite the fact that people are talking about it more, there are still too many taboos and prejudices associated with

polyamory, and many people do not discuss their orientation with their loved ones because they are uncomfortable talking about it, as people often judge this lifestyle without even knowing what it entails.

Vocabulary

Compersion: being able to rejoice in our partner’s happiness when they experience something beautiful with another partner.

Polycule: represents the people who are involved (directly or indirectly) in the relationship.

Schema: the structure of the polyamorous relationship.

Relational anarchy: this way of living polyamory represents a refusal to prioritize relationships, so there is no primary or secondary partner (see the term base couple/nesting).

Relational hierarchy: this is a way of living in multiple relationships, with primary and secondary relationships. Some polyamorous people prefer this to relational anarchy.

Base couple/nesting: represents a couple who often live together and have other partners outside their nest. This can be described as the duo’s main relationship.

Metamother/father: refers to another partner of the person with whom one has a relationship, but with whom one does not necessarily have direct contact.

Polysaturated: a person who is no longer emotionally available to enter into a new relationship.

Triad or trouple: a polyamorous relationship involving three people.

Quelle aide je peux vous apporter? How can I help you?

The goal of a social worker is to help and support people in regaining balance in the different areas of their lives, whether social, marital, family, professional, personal, or friendly. I help people feel comfortable in all their environments, and when it comes to polyamory, receiving services from a social worker can only be helpful, as polyamory can affect many areas of life. Here are a few examples of situations in which I can assist you:

I can help you with your questions, such as those who are just beginning their research on polyamory, who are wondering about the possibility of living polyamory, about the relationships that would suit them best, in relation to their vision of multiple loves or even their orientation.

Help you explain to your children that you have other partners, that the parenting model they have had until now may change, that other significant people will come into their lives because mom or dad or both may have other partners, and that there may be changes in their routines, etc.

I can also help you prepare to talk to your family, friends, or loved ones about your lifestyle, values, and what is important to you. Some people have not yet come out and are afraid to talk to their loved ones because of judgment, stereotypes, and prejudice.

For polyamorous individuals who are in relationships, I can help you recognize your boundaries and needs so that you can communicate them to your partners.

To put into words your discomfort, the situations that bother you, that make you feel uneasy without you being able to put it into words.

For any support you may need without being judged on your lifestyle.

Why a social worker instead of a psychologist?

I have been working in mental health since 2008 and specialize in borderline personality disorder. I led groups when I worked at a CLSC, I offer my services to several people with borderline personality disorder or their loved ones, and I created a virtual support group so that people with BPD and their families can ask questions, vent, and seek or offer help to a community that understands borderline personality disorder.

Many people ask me what the main difference is between a social worker and a psychologist. How can I help?

First, it is important to know that social workers have a bad reputation in society: they are often talked about in the media in terms of youth protection and rarely as consultants. In addition, people tend to search for “psychologists” on Google, without realizing that there are other professionals who can help them, such as social workers.

The role of social workers is to analyze the person’s entire environment: their work, their relationship, their friendships, their school environment, the neighborhood in which they live, the values that shape them, the education they have received, etc. We analyze to find out where the difficulties come from so that we can offer solutions and tools that will help them better tolerate difficult situations and regain their ability to act.

The role of the social worker is to analyze the person’s entire environment: their work, their relationship, their friendships, their school environment, the neighborhood in which they live, the values that shape them, the education they have received, etc. We analyze to find out where the difficulties come from so that we can offer solutions and tools that will help them better tolerate difficult situations and regain their ability to act.
Social workers are committed to addressing obstacles and injustices in society and focus on improving people’s health and well-being. Social workers work with individuals to overcome life’s challenges and cope with traumatic events. Social workers help guide, initiate, and clarify changes in the people who come to them for help. The ultimate goal of intervention is to help the person recover and thrive.

As a social worker, I see the people who come to me for help as individuals in their own right, with their own strengths, qualities, resources, and resilience. I believe in the potential of the human beings I help; I accompany you in your efforts, I listen, I support and encourage you, and I am there with you. I learn as much from my consultations as those who come to see me. I feel a deep gratitude for the people who place their trust in me.

Why me?

On the one hand, because I already work with clients who are in polyamorous relationships, and on the other hand, because I am open-minded and have admiration and respect for polyamorous people. I find them courageous for living their love and relationship principles in a society that promotes monogamy. Finally, I find it unfair that members of the polyamorous community have so few therapeutic services available to them. It is my pleasure to welcome them and help them find balance, to be accepted without judgment and with openness.